You can read my blog post on Kayla's Birth Day HERE.
We started the morning early. We had about a 20 minute drive to Birth Mother's apartment to meet her, Birth Father, and friend there. Birth Mother was to check into the hospital at 8 AM to start induction. I remember that morning. I remember walking behind Birth Mother and Father into hospital and I just watched Birth Mother and wondered how she felt, I looked at THE belly and thought, "OUR baby is in there and we are about to meet her!" It was exciting and nerve wracking. I didn't know if I should show my excitement, my anticipation, my anxiousness, my nervousness, my happiness. I didn't know if showing all that would be ok because I knew that while this was the happiest day of our lives, it was also Birth Mother's and Birth Father's day of great saddness and heartache. How could I walk around in such joy while they sat with broken hearts? But in the end, it was impossible to lower the level of pure dreamy bliss we were in. And now 2 years later, Im so glad we didnt hide it. If we did, they would have wondered why weren't happier. At least I would if I was in that position, I think.
Upon arrival Birth Mother was already 3 cm dilated. The doctor said she would deliver by the afternoon and we all thought he was a little crazy, because that WAS SO SOON. Her water was soon broken. I remember this very well. We all stood in the room but with a curtain drawn between her and us, myself, Nick, Birth Father and friend. This moment was so exciting! This was IT. Her water was broken, the pitocin was started...the baby is coming! I remember not long after this Birth Mother started feeling the contractions and almost right away she dilated to 4 cm.
Birth Mother then asked for the epidural so myself, Nick and Birth Father headed down to the cafeteria for breakfast. Months later I found out Birth Mother wasnt happy about this! She wasnt allowed to eat and we left her for breakfast! Haha. Poor girl.
We came back to an epidural'd Birth Mother and she was so happy and content and didnt feel a thing. She was talking and laughing like nothing. I swear she made labor look like no labor at all. We sat around her room and talked, joked, watched tv and tried to entertain ourselves. Within 90 minutes of this she was dilated to a WHOLE 6 cm! I remember the nurse checking her with us behind the curtain again and the nurse saying the baby has a lot of hair. I came out from the curtain all excited and asked, "You can see her!?" The nurse laughed and said, "No, I can feel her." I thought, oh duh...how embarrassing.
An hour later Birth Mother was ready to push and was dilated to 10 cm. The doctor had barely just made it into the room when Kayla was born in about 1 push and a half, only 6 hours later at 2:34 pm. I remember seeing her head before she came out and this was the moment I saw her for the very first time. I dont even feel like I was there. It feels like it was all a dream, like I was in someone else's body watching this miracle occur. She came out so fast, so easy and so smoothly. Nick stood next to the doctor and before we all knew it, he was cutting her umbilical cord.
She was then whisked off to the baby station and we just stood there in shock. We just stood there and didnt move.
The nurses all motioned for us to come over to see her. Nick went immediately over as fast as super man could get to her.
Right away his tears flowed and he sobbed like a baby. I walked over right behind him and saw him melting down like butter over a warm buiscut. I looked at Kayla and my very first thought that I will NEVER forget was, " A REAL LIVE TAKE HOME BABY." I just stood there. Crying. It even makes me cry just remembering all this. Then it was like a chain reaction. Nick cried. I cried. Birth Father cried. Birth Mother cried. Friend cried. The nurse then said to me that I could touch her. I touched her hand. So warm, so tiny, so soft, so pink, so wrinkled, so new. Was this really MY baby? Are the last 5 years REALLY now behind us? How are we SO lucky? How? How did this happen? And so fast? Who did this for us and why? While all this was going on, Birth Mother was delivering the placenta (which we later saw in a white bucket, interesting..haha!) and getting stitched up.
She was 8 pounds 4.1 ounces, 21" long.
The nurses cleaned up Kayla, weighed her,and did her footprints.
They gave her a shot, put a diaper on her, covered her, put a hat on her and then she was brought over to Birth Mother and Father. This moment I will never forget. This picture says it all.
Then she was taken off to the nursery where we followed for Nick to hold her first and feed her first (baby hog) and our first family picture of THREE! And a little freshen up from the nurses.
Then it was my turn....I was still in a state of disbelief. My hard work and determination to be a Mother had finally after 5 years been paid off. In a way I never thought it would, in a million different ways. All the time, money, heartache, pain, surgery, emotion, tears, injections, pills, long drives, over night hotel stays, ultrasounds, pain, cramps, temperatures, charting, and being exposed in ways I never want to again to an endless amount of complete strangers and last but certainly not the least, miscarriages....was worth every.single.second. It was like Kayla knew already that I was her Mother. I couldnt get over the way she looked at me already.
I honestly dont remember what happened after this but I do remember getting no sleep this night. I dont remember much of the next day in this hospital either. I do remember Birth Mother's son coming to visit and numerous other visitors of Birth Mother and Birth Father including family and friends. It was a bit overwhelming with so many people coming in and out and a pretty darn stressful. (Caden's stay at the hospital was so much better on us and Birth Mother, much more quiet and private and nice) I remember hanging out in Birth Mother's room all day with her but I dont remember much of what happened. I remember leaving for lunch. We went to The Golden Corral because it was close. We stopped in the hospital gift shop and got pink bubble gum Its A Girl cigars for everyone. I remember holding and feeding and changing Kayla a lot. I remember having to watch all the visitors hold her and say things to Birth Mother I wish they would have thought about before saying. Nick and I would just smile and cringe hoping it wouldn't upset her.
I remember a lot about the 3rd day, Birth Mother's day to relinquish rights, and placement day. I first want to say that I am more thankful then EVER that Caden's placement day was not this hard.
This day was HARD. I dont even know if I can describe it fully so that you, my readers can really understand. This day was so hard on our Birth Mother. She signed her rights away with Kayla in her lap. She cried through the whole process and even went down hill after the adoption (which led to her pregnancy with Caden). This day was just so heavy on us and everyone, so depressing for everyone, so stressful, so tense. You could FEEL the tension and sadness in the air. I was confident that Birth Mother would stick to her decision but this did not make it easy. She went into this not knowing us totally. Not knowing if her choice was right. Not knowing what to expect. Not knowing what to do and with not much support. The hospital goodbye was awful. I could tell she was trying so hard to not cry but failed miserably. What do we do or say to make her feel better? There was nothing. I remember watching her grab all the things she had packed up and walking out the door of the room she gave birth to Kayla in. We left the hospital as happy as we have NEVER been while Birth Mother was going home alone and with empty arms (Only mementos and a Minnie Mouse we had given her) to an apartment she shared with a friend, with pain medication and alcohol. To think about Birth Mother at this point was upsetting. I just kept telling myself with time she will get better.
But she didn't...until Caden was born.
2 years later, I still have to pinch myself. Especially now with TWO babies. When Kayla was born I was complete. Could NOT have been happier, but I still knew something was missing. Something wasn't complete. I had this instinct, this want, this need in life that still wasn't there. It just wasn't right, yet. I had no idea how to go about it. I thought that IVF again far in the future could be a possibility. I was sure we would NOT have another baby through adoption. It was too expensive. It was too stressful and it was too much of a roller coaster. Plus going through an agency and the wait for a Birth Mother to choose us..just wasnt on my list of something I wanted to do. If someone would have told me 18 months and 5 days later we would be holding our baby boy, Kayla's biological baby brother I would have laughed so hard and told that person they are a joke. There would be no way we would be THAT lucky. Plus, our Birth Mother has learned her lesson by now, I'm sure.
The moment I laid eyes on my baby boy 18 months and 5 days later...that was all gone. The mothering instinct inside my self knew he was coming. Little did I know.
Stay tuned for tomorrow's blog all about Kayla's 2nd Birthday!
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