Today...

Its hard to believe that TWO YEARS AGO Kayla was born. TWO YEARS. How? It has gone so exceedingly fast. When I flash back to July 30th, 2008 it doesnt feel like its been 2 whole years. Yet at the same time, I can hardly remember what life felt like before this little girl entered our world. There are days Im so tired I want to cry. There are days I just want to see my living room floor again. But on those days I remind myself of the days I laid in bed crying wishing my lack of sleep be from a baby at night or wishing that our bare living room had toys strewn all over it. I would picture toys in that corner and that spot and imagine what those toys might be. Now I can look around and SEE the REAL LIVE ACTUAL toys...EVERY WHERE.
You can read my blog post on Kayla's Birth Day HERE.
We started the morning early. We had about a 20 minute drive to Birth Mother's apartment to meet her, Birth Father, and friend there. Birth Mother was to check into the hospital at 8 AM to start induction. I remember that morning. I remember walking behind Birth Mother and Father into hospital and I just watched Birth Mother and wondered how she felt, I looked at THE belly and thought, "OUR baby is in there and we are about to meet her!" It was exciting and nerve wracking. I didn't know if I should show my excitement, my anticipation, my anxiousness, my nervousness, my happiness. I didn't know if showing all that would be ok because I knew that while this was the happiest day of our lives, it was also Birth Mother's and Birth Father's day of great saddness and heartache. How could I walk around in such joy while they sat with broken hearts? But in the end, it was impossible to lower the level of pure dreamy bliss we were in. And now 2 years later, Im so glad we didnt hide it. If we did, they would have wondered why weren't happier. At least I would if I was in that position, I think.

Upon arrival Birth Mother was already 3 cm dilated. The doctor said she would deliver by the afternoon and we all thought he was a little crazy, because that WAS SO SOON. Her water was soon broken. I remember this very well. We all stood in the room but with a curtain drawn between her and us, myself, Nick, Birth Father and friend. This moment was so exciting! This was IT. Her water was broken, the pitocin was started...the baby is coming! I remember not long after this Birth Mother started feeling the contractions and almost right away she dilated to 4 cm.

Birth Mother then asked for the epidural so myself, Nick and Birth Father headed down to the cafeteria for breakfast. Months later I found out Birth Mother wasnt happy about this! She wasnt allowed to eat and we left her for breakfast! Haha. Poor girl.

We came back to an epidural'd Birth Mother and she was so happy and content and didnt feel a thing. She was talking and laughing like nothing. I swear she made labor look like no labor at all. We sat around her room and talked, joked, watched tv and tried to entertain ourselves. Within 90 minutes of this she was dilated to a WHOLE 6 cm! I remember the nurse checking her with us behind the curtain again and the nurse saying the baby has a lot of hair. I came out from the curtain all excited and asked, "You can see her!?" The nurse laughed and said, "No, I can feel her." I thought, oh duh...how embarrassing.

An hour later Birth Mother was ready to push and was dilated to 10 cm. The doctor had barely just made it into the room when Kayla was born in about 1 push and a half, only 6 hours later at 2:34 pm. I remember seeing her head before she came out and this was the moment I saw her for the very first time. I dont even feel like I was there. It feels like it was all a dream, like I was in someone else's body watching this miracle occur. She came out so fast, so easy and so smoothly. Nick stood next to the doctor and before we all knew it, he was cutting her umbilical cord.

She was then whisked off to the baby station and we just stood there in shock. We just stood there and didnt move.
The nurses all motioned for us to come over to see her. Nick went immediately over as fast as super man could get to her.

Right away his tears flowed and he sobbed like a baby. I walked over right behind him and saw him melting down like butter over a warm buiscut. I looked at Kayla and my very first thought that I will NEVER forget was, " A REAL LIVE TAKE HOME BABY." I just stood there. Crying. It even makes me cry just remembering all this. Then it was like a chain reaction. Nick cried. I cried. Birth Father cried. Birth Mother cried. Friend cried. The nurse then said to me that I could touch her. I touched her hand. So warm, so tiny, so soft, so pink, so wrinkled, so new. Was this really MY baby? Are the last 5 years REALLY now behind us? How are we SO lucky? How? How did this happen? And so fast? Who did this for us and why? While all this was going on, Birth Mother was delivering the placenta (which we later saw in a white bucket, interesting..haha!) and getting stitched up.

She was 8 pounds 4.1 ounces, 21" long.

The nurses cleaned up Kayla, weighed her,and did her footprints.

They gave her a shot, put a diaper on her, covered her, put a hat on her and then she was brought over to Birth Mother and Father. This moment I will never forget. This picture says it all.

Then she was taken off to the nursery where we followed for Nick to hold her first and feed her first (baby hog) and our first family picture of THREE! And a little freshen up from the nurses.





Then it was my turn....I was still in a state of disbelief. My hard work and determination to be a Mother had finally after 5 years been paid off. In a way I never thought it would, in a million different ways. All the time, money, heartache, pain, surgery, emotion, tears, injections, pills, long drives, over night hotel stays, ultrasounds, pain, cramps, temperatures, charting, and being exposed in ways I never want to again to an endless amount of complete strangers and last but certainly not the least, miscarriages....was worth every.single.second. It was like Kayla knew already that I was her Mother. I couldnt get over the way she looked at me already.



I honestly dont remember what happened after this but I do remember getting no sleep this night. I dont remember much of the next day in this hospital either. I do remember Birth Mother's son coming to visit and numerous other visitors of Birth Mother and Birth Father including family and friends. It was a bit overwhelming with so many people coming in and out and a pretty darn stressful. (Caden's stay at the hospital was so much better on us and Birth Mother, much more quiet and private and nice) I remember hanging out in Birth Mother's room all day with her but I dont remember much of what happened. I remember leaving for lunch. We went to The Golden Corral because it was close. We stopped in the hospital gift shop and got pink bubble gum Its A Girl cigars for everyone. I remember holding and feeding and changing Kayla a lot. I remember having to watch all the visitors hold her and say things to Birth Mother I wish they would have thought about before saying. Nick and I would just smile and cringe hoping it wouldn't upset her.

I remember a lot about the 3rd day, Birth Mother's day to relinquish rights, and placement day. I first want to say that I am more thankful then EVER that Caden's placement day was not this hard.

This day was HARD. I dont even know if I can describe it fully so that you, my readers can really understand. This day was so hard on our Birth Mother. She signed her rights away with Kayla in her lap. She cried through the whole process and even went down hill after the adoption (which led to her pregnancy with Caden). This day was just so heavy on us and everyone, so depressing for everyone, so stressful, so tense. You could FEEL the tension and sadness in the air. I was confident that Birth Mother would stick to her decision but this did not make it easy. She went into this not knowing us totally. Not knowing if her choice was right. Not knowing what to expect. Not knowing what to do and with not much support. The hospital goodbye was awful. I could tell she was trying so hard to not cry but failed miserably. What do we do or say to make her feel better? There was nothing. I remember watching her grab all the things she had packed up and walking out the door of the room she gave birth to Kayla in. We left the hospital as happy as we have NEVER been while Birth Mother was going home alone and with empty arms (Only mementos and a Minnie Mouse we had given her) to an apartment she shared with a friend, with pain medication and alcohol. To think about Birth Mother at this point was upsetting. I just kept telling myself with time she will get better.
But she didn't...until Caden was born.

2 years later, I still have to pinch myself. Especially now with TWO babies. When Kayla was born I was complete. Could NOT have been happier, but I still knew something was missing. Something wasn't complete. I had this instinct, this want, this need in life that still wasn't there. It just wasn't right, yet. I had no idea how to go about it. I thought that IVF again far in the future could be a possibility. I was sure we would NOT have another baby through adoption. It was too expensive. It was too stressful and it was too much of a roller coaster. Plus going through an agency and the wait for a Birth Mother to choose us..just wasnt on my list of something I wanted to do. If someone would have told me 18 months and 5 days later we would be holding our baby boy, Kayla's biological baby brother I would have laughed so hard and told that person they are a joke. There would be no way we would be THAT lucky. Plus, our Birth Mother has learned her lesson by now, I'm sure.

The moment I laid eyes on my baby boy 18 months and 5 days later...that was all gone. The mothering instinct inside my self knew he was coming. Little did I know.

Stay tuned for tomorrow's blog all about Kayla's 2nd Birthday!

Lots of questions....answered. LOOONG post.

Ok, to Anonymous who said:

I hate to say it but almost $30,000 for a tri racial baby is alot of money...

First of all, Kayla's adoption was not $30,000. Her adoption was $15,000 with a military discount. The things that piled this total to $30,000 was- We had to pay flight ticket ($879.00) for a social worker from Japan to fly to Guam to do our home study plus the cost of the home study ($850.00). The fact that we live 8,000 miles away from the state of FL. Travel from Guam to FL is not cheap. Its $1,700.00 AT LEAST, PER PERSON. Travel to FL from PA BEFORE the birth to meet with Birth Mother, hotel for 3 nights and food. Travel to FL from PA FOR Kayla's birth- we stayed in a hotel for 3 weeks ($34.99 per night total of $672.21), rented a car for 3 weeks ($500.00) to meet our Birth Mom at appointments, hospitals, to get to and from airport and to get food(which we did as cheap as possible eating from the McDonald's Dollar menu and eating at hot dog stands, besides taking Birth Mother, her friend and her son out to lunch for pizza and us going out to Hooters one night for wings) and not to mention appointments with our attorney. We gave Birth Mom living expenses for the remaining time of pregnancy and to get back on her feet. AND then...I had to get flight tickets to stay in Pennsylvania for 5 weeks while we waited for Kayla's passport.

Does that clarify things for you?

Even IF JUST the adoption was 30 grand, Kayla is worth every single red penny. I am HIGHLY offended by your comment... ANONYMOUS.

Ok, onto better things.


Ok, so here is how this is going to work...Anonymous comments are turned off. I have had tons of questions about adoption and I feel the need to answer them even though in my previous post I said I wouldn't discuss it anymore. I need to address these questions and hopefully help others in the process. After these questions are answered, I will no long discuss this particular potential adoption.

Questions will be numbered and the corresponding answers will be numbered.

1. Would the lawyer give you a second-time-around discount on his fees?
2.Could just one of you travel?
3.Could family help out in any way?
4.Any church that you belong to that could help?
5.Would birth mom want you to adopt this baby so they could be together?
6.Is there any way to just take out a big ole loan and make it happen?
7. Did you go through an agency last time? Would it be cheaper if you just went through a lawyer?
8.Is this birth mother the same mother that birthed Kayla?
9.If so, (and forgive me for my rant here), didn't she learn her lesson the first time around?
10.Major fund raising?
11.Why is it so much with private adoption?
12.She's (Birth Mom) not getting money?




Answers:


1.I don't think so. The $15,000 he charged us for Kayla was his discounted fee. Military discount. Not sure if we would be able to get a second discount. It would be worth a try though.
2.Again, I don't think so. I am pretty sure it is legally required for us both to be there for paperwork. If it is not required, (which we will ask of something does come about this adoption) we could work that. Although it would mean Nick would stay behind and miss the birth (which we are willing to do if it means bringing him home with us). I could bring along my Mother In Law or someone to help me through it all and help me care for Kayla. I couldn't leave Kayla with Nick, he works A LOT...daycare costs would be outrageous and I couldn't leave her that long. I would have to stay in PA close to 5 weeks to wait on baby's passport. So it would still require TWO flight tickets to FL plus a ticket to FL for my Mother In Law..or whoever..which would still be cheaper.
3. We are working on this at the moment...just in case Birth Mom does ask us to take this baby. I'm being hopeful here. REAL hopeful and wishful. She hasn't asked us yet, and if we don't have some sort of help with something, we can do this at all. No if's and's or but's.
4.We do not belong to a church and I would not join just for financial help. That would feel completely and totally wrong to me.
5.I sure hope so. I'm waiting on word from her through email. Although I would much rather talk to her on the phone. But I don't want to just call her without her permission.
6.I really wish. We already tried this option when Kayla's adoption came about but no bank would approve us because we either don't have accounts with them or the ones we do have accounts with...we don't have a long enough credit history with them. This happens when you move around a lot in the military lifestyle. We ended up, maxing out 2 credit cards, getting a $6,000 loan, selling Nick's car and paying it off and using the cash that was left over. This time, we have 2 cars but owe too much on both of them so we wouldn't get much cash left over to go towards the expenses.
7.We did not go through an agency. Birth Mother heard about us from a friend of a friend of a friend. We just went with an attorney to get all the legal side of things done. And he did a fantastic job. So this is the cost of an attorney...not much cheaper...if any.
8.Yes, this is Kayla's Birth Mother. She is pregnant but not with Kayla's Birth Father. So this baby is Kayla's half brother, but all the same to us. He is Kayla's brother.
9.Obviously, not. I wish she would have learned from Kayla, or even from her first baby, Kayla's older half brother...but if she did learn, we would not have Kayla in our lives and I couldn't even imagine that. And from this time, another family will be blessed if not it be us to be twice as blessed.
10.Major fundraising would help. But what? During the adoption with Kayla, we did a lot. Just through fundraising, we incurred the amount we needed to pay totally the fee for the home study and the travel expense for the social worker. What we did was set up a website that allowed people to donate and through the goodness of people's hearts, little by little...we made it happen. I also was selling things on ebay and on our website. I'm at loss as to what else to do.
11. Here is the breakdown from our attorney from Kayla's adoption..although I'm 100% sure this is worded around the fact that he pockets a lot..how else to these attorneys get so rich?
$5,325 to Birth Mother-$900 for rent, $975 food household, Recuperative $3,450.
Adoption services-$8,500, Termination of parental rights-$1,750, Finalization of adoption- $1,750, Out of county facilitation- $500.00, because we are living on Guam.
Passport Facilitation- $1,000 which we could not get out of. We tried several things to get out of this fee from trying to get a military passport to me getting the passport on my own which I eventually did anyways but we were still charged by the attorney.
Birth Mother counseling- $250.00, Other costs- $812.00. Other costs consists of things like phone calls, emails, post office charges, FedEx, getting Kayla's hospital records, Paternity acknowledgement, certified copies of paperwork, etc...
12.I don't know. I would wish and hope she doesn't ask for much if she asks for any at all.


I also want to add, in case this comes up from anyone else who wants to be blunt or rude...

We CAN easily afford to take care of the 3 of us and 2 cats. We by no means struggle to afford the things we NEED and things we enjoy. Its just the one lump sum, the initial costs of adoption...the huge stack of money you need at the beginning. It all has to be paid upfront at one time to the attorney. If another baby was thrown in the mix, we would be fine. I don't want sound like we are dirt poor or broke. That is NOT what I am doing here.


I hope this helps. If you have any more questions, don't hesitate to ask me.

Thank you a million x's 10 to all my friends and supporters. Those that have been here in blog world for years, and those who are new...without support...I don't think we would be where we are. In fact....I KNOW we wouldn't be where we are today. You have no idea how much you all help.

Kayla's well baby

So I didn't get to start my diet yesterday. The BX doesn't carry Slim Fast, and they were out of Hydroxycut. Today I'm going to check the commissary for Slim Fast, and buy ingredients for Chicken Citrus Salad. That is the salad I had at the Hard Rock Care the other day, and it was so delish. I'm going to try to recreate it. I will have it up on my recipe blog.

Kayla's 6 month well baby was yesterday. As all of her appointments go...the doctor said she is perfect.
We do have a big girl on our hands. The doctor asked if her birth parents had big heads and if they were tall..lol.
She weighed in at 17 pounds 10 ounces and measured at 27" long. She is in the 75th% for both of these on the growth chart and in 90th% for her head circumference on the chart.

Yesterday in the mail was Kayla's birth certificate!! We finally got it!!!!!!!!!

1 year ago...

1 year ago today I started my Lurpon injections for IVF. I never in a million years thought I would become pregnant after this IVF, have our 2nd miscarriage, go on a depression streak for a couple months and then have one miracle baby girl come into my life and change it forever.

If we wouldnt have gotten orders to Guam when we did we would not have rushed into IVF when we did. Then we would not have had our 2nd miscarriage when we did, and Nick would have not created our adoption website when he did, and Kayla's birth mother would have not found us just in the nick of time, 2 1/2 months before Kayla's birth.

It all happened the way it was supposed to.

Kayla is an Official Alessi!

Baby girl is official! Hip hip hooray! Thank you everyone for your kind and sweet comments you have sent me about her finalization. Each one make me smile ear to ear.

We go tour of bed at 1:45 am on December 3rd. I felt terrible waking up Kayla in the middle of her night of sleep but she did so wonderful. Didn't make one unhappy peep. I fed her, packed my purse and off we went. We got to the legal office at 2:10 A.M.

One we got "the call" on speaker phone, the process was literally 5 minutes long.
The judge asked the LT. his name and made sure he was a notary for the United States Air Force, asked his name, asked him if we showed him proof of who we are and asked how we proved that, and then asked him to swear us in. We raised our right hands and swore we are who we say we are and we swore to tell only the truth, with Kayla wide awake sucking on her Binky and staring at us. She reminded us of Maggie from The Simpson's.

Our Attorney told us to state our full names and address. He went on to ask us questions like, "Do you realize this adoption makes you responsible for Kayla until she is an adult?" "Do you know that you both will be responsible for her shall the marriage fail?" "Do you know that once she is finalized she will have all the rights as if she were born to us in marriage?" There were about 10 questions like this.

After the questions were asked, the judge said he had previously looked over our home study and all the paperwork and has already made his decision that the adoption will be granted.

After this was said all else is blurry and I don't remember much. Nick I heard those words and everything else was just a blur of words.

It something to the effect of, "The adoption of Kayla Nicole Alessi is ordered and adjudged", and some other stuff that I honestly don't remember. And I wish I did because someday I would like to tell her about this moment. But I don't even know what was said.

pictures and adoption details

So here is the red and white dress Kayla was supposed to wear for her picture with Santa. A dress her Grandpa proudly picked out before she was born.







Yesterday we got the paper work from our Attorney's office that is the paper work that will be used in the adoption finalization court hearing. It brought me chills to read this paper that will be signed by the judge at the end of the hearing and to read the notice of telephonic hearing.

YOU WILL PLEASE TAKE NOTICE that on Tuesday December 2, 2008, at 11:40 A.M. (EST) or as soon as thereafter a counsel may be heard, Petitioners shall call up for hearing before the Honorable (Judge's name) one of the Judges of the above-styled Court, in Chambers, (room #) in the (county name), (address), the petition for adoption.

ORDERED AND ADJUDGED:
The minor child born the 30th day of July 2008 at (City,and hospital name ) FL, is declared to be the legal child of the Adoptive Parents, Nicholas Alessi and Michelle Alessi, and is given the name of Kayla Nicole Alessi.
That the minor child shall hereafter be the legal child and legal heir of the Adoptive Parents, Nicholas Alessi and Michelle Alessi, and entitled to all rights and privileges and subject to all obligations of a child born of said Adoptive Parents in lawful wedlock.

DONE AND ORDERED in (city) FL, this ______ day of December 2008.

Oh, and yesterday I've added a calendar to my blog. Its on the right hand side and the bottom of all my gadgets. If you would like something added to my calendar, let me know!

court date and rice!

I havent been around the blog lately. I took the idea I was seriously considering and Im doing it. Im turning my blog into a book via this website...http://www.blurb.com/create/book/blogbook
I been at it all day everyday in between attending to Kayla and I am now onto page 135! I cant wait to see the finished product! I been putting off everything on the computer minus this big project. I owe so many people emails and pictures and I owe my blog an update and I have laundry thats been sitting in the drier for 2 days. Oh well, I'll get to it when I get to it.

Nick woke up this morning at 5 am to the phone ringing. At that time of morning, Im deep asleep. I heard the phone ring but wasnt aware of anything after that. After he came home from PT he told me the attorney called. We should be getting in the mail the documents that he will be using in court for Kayla's finalization on.............DECEMBER 2nd! The adoption will be finalized on December 2nd! 3 days before Nick's birthday. He said court is that day and it will be final on the same day. We will have to be on the phone during the hearing just in case there are any questions. With us being 15 hours ahead of United States east coast time, that will be the middle of the night for us, but that is A-OK with us!!!!!!

One other thing....
The locals here eat Red Rice. Its rice, that is red obviously. I cant get enough of it. Since we got here I been eating it like crazy. I love it. Red Rice to the Chamorros is like pizza to Americans. I guess that would be a good comparison? You will not go to any function here without it being served. It is served in all the village festivals, parties, BBQ's, at all the resturants, at the mall...pretty much any place that has food and people you can find it...and in massive amounts. Anyhow, I went to the handy dandy internet and serched how to make this rice. And I might have to brag, that it turned out fantastic....along with the finideni sauce that they serve on top of it.

Finideni sauce...1/4 cup soy souce, 1/4 cup white vinigar, crushed red pepper flakes, and finely chopped onion. Serve a couple spoon fulls on top of rice. YUM.
Here is the rice. Ingredients- 2 cups of rice, 2 cups of water, 4 oz of Anatto seeds soaked in the 2 cups of water for atleast 30 minutes, bacon and onion.

Here is what the soaking seeds look like. They will make the water turn red.

Saute onion and bacon.

Strain seeds. Put rice and red water, onion and bacon into rice cooker. And you get this when its done..

I have made this rice with and without the onion and bacon. Its great both ways but the bacon gives it a nice flavor.

Ok, Im going to try to catch up with everyone's blogs now.

Oh, and Kayla has learned how to reach for toys!!!!!! I have a video I will share as soon as I get to upload it.

August 1 2008

KAYLA NICOLE IS HOME!!!!! Well, not technically home, but in or arms in our hotel room and let me tell you...she is the most gorgeous perfect baby in the entire universe. Ok, Im a bit biased. :0) I couldnt be happier with any other baby. It feels so right and I already love her so incredibly much. I cant stop looking at her. I couldnt love her more if I carried her in my very own womb. Isnt it crazy how love works? How the world works? How things work when they are just destined to work? Today, Kayla Nicole became ours. She is now an 'Alessi'.

Th 3 of us leave tomorrow morning. Our plane will be taking off into the blue skies of FL headed for the hopeully blue skies of PA at 8 am sharp.

Grammy and Grandpa....WE ARE ON OUR WAY TO YOU!!!!

Pictures to come soon. The internet connection in our hotel room is incredibly slow and takes forever to upload 1 picture. Isnt it funny how all hotels say they have high speed internet?

29 July 08

Hey blogger family!

All is well here. Sorry its been a few days. I know you all must be on the edge of your seats! We are doing great.

Saturday night we went to Kaitlyn's house for dinner. It could not have gone better. We really get along so wonderfully and I am so thankful for that. It will be really good for Kayla when she older and understands. We were at her house for about 5 hours and it was the quickest 5 hours ever. Time just flew because we had so much fun. She gave us a gift bag of presents for the baby. Wipes, lotion, soap, picture frame and some small things. She also put 2 cards in the bag and wrote some really beautiful things in them. Those cards we will keep safe for Kayla to read when shes older. Kaitlyn's best friend Kim was there and also Carlos, the birth father was there. We all spent some good quality together playing UNO.

Sunday Nick and I went to St. Augustine. Its a real old town founded in 1565- I think. We walked around for 2 hours until we got unbearably hot. The picture above is us walking around. Its not a great picture of me- I forgot to smile because it was so hot out. lol.

Yesterday, Monday, we met Kaitlyn at her last doctor's appointment. We got to hear the magical sound of Kayla's heartbeat and Kaitlyn got her cervix checked again. Still only 2 centimeters.

So tomorrow is the big day. Wednesday morning at 6:45 we will meet Kaitlyn and Kim and follow them to the hospital. At 7:30 Kaitlyn will get her water broke and then get started on pitocin followed by her epidural. We expect to see Kayla by Wednesday evening. I cant even begin to describe how Nick and I feel at this point of the process after waiting over 5 years now. Five years of heartache and heartbreak that can now be put behind us.

This whole process is truely utterly amazing. This doesnt happen. Adoptions like this are so incredibly rare and here we are. It really is just meant to be.

19 July 2008

I just wanted to clear up that statement at the end of my last post where I said I NEED a shower....I got a few comments back sayin that I did need a shower. I meant I needed a shower. Like soap and water in the bathroom shower...not baby shower.
LOL!!!!

Nick and I are doing fantastic. Getting really anxious for the 'call' to take Kaitlyn to the hospital. We cant wait. Its actually quite boring here. We spend most of our time in the hotel so we dont spend money. Except today we went to the zo and last night we went out for drinks and dinner. But tis the last vacation as TWO!

:0)

Kaitlyn has a prenatal appointment on Tuesday and she has invited us to go with her. We will get to hear the baby's heartbeat and hope for an ultrasound and hope even more that we find out she has dialated. We can hope!!
I will update again after her appointment!

17 July 2008

Hi all. Wanted to give you an update. I know you been hanging on the edge of your seat. Thanks for all the wonderful comments and support. We wouldnt be where we are without so many of you.

Nick and I are in Florida! Kaitlyn's induction date is July 30th but we all think she will have her sooner since her first baby was a week early. We met with the attorney, Kaitlyn and the birth father, Carlos yesterday. And he signed the papers!!!! Carlos signed away his rights as her father!! This baby is ours now! We really are having a baby. It really is our turn now. It is the stangest but best feeling ever. Our 5 years of heartache has come to an end and in less than 2 weeks Kayla Nicole will be born! I cant hardly believe it. This whole time when I thought God was ignoring us, he wasnt. He had this special plan for us. He knew that Nick and I are strong enough to love a baby that needs us, as our own. He knew she needed us and we needed her. HE heard us.

More updates soon! I NEED a shower!

July 9 2008

I have cramps from hell. I slept terrible last night and we wont know anything more until Friday- hopefully. The attorney says there is nothing else he can do. Only thing that can be done is tie down the bio father and rape him if we have to. Friday birth mother is going to birth father's house to hopefully do just that to get a freakin stupid signature from a man who really doesnt want this baby. He just wants to be spiteful and make birth mother's life a living hell. As a last resort we are offering him money we dont have only after he signs over rights. He doesnt even know this baby is a girl and has no idea when she is due. He has not given her one red cent to support her....and we could lose this baby because he has done 2 of the 3 steps to protect his rights? The rights he really doesnt even want?

Im gonna to puke. If Nick was here, we could puke together.

July 8th 2008

We are going through a major bump in the adoption road right now, and we really need all the thoughts and prayers you can spare. Please. I dont want to post details but I shall have you know that the birth mother is totally on our side wanting this little girl to be in our arms. The bump lies with the birth father. We are working on him though and hope that this little girl goes to the home arms of whom the big man upstairs wants her to be.

Nick and I will be together in just 7 days and we will find out the induction date that same day.

Send us prayers.

2 July 2008

Sorry girls.Im a bad blogger lately. I been so busy with my sister here, I dont have much time to blog anymore. The time has been going by so fast and everything is going fantastic. It took her a good 2 days to really open up to me, but now its sorta like old times. We lay in bed at night and just talk about all the fun times. It really is great and its amazing how much she remembers considering she was so young. She hasnt forgotten me like I feared she did. Not at all.

Above is a picture of us. We went to the Picture People a couple days ago and got some shots taken. The pictures turned out great but I couldnt afford to buy them all. I only could manage to buy 3 sheets, 3 different poses. But I did go online and snatch all of the poses from them...even though they have words across the pictures so you dont steal them..lol.



In the baby dept. news...Nick has started the baby's nursery. Its not finished yet, but he has sent me pictures. The picture above is the changing area. He put up a Winnie the Pooh boarder and painted the bottom half of the walls PINK. Can you tell he is sooooo proud to have a baby girl?! The other half of the room I cant share with you because her name is on the wall in real big pink letters. And Im trying not to announce her name until she is born.

Now the REAL BIG NEWS in the baby dept.....Kaitlyn, our birth mom goes to her doc on July 15th and on that day we will find what day she will be getting INDUCED! Can you belive it!? On the 15th we will find out what day our daughter will be here! We arent sure why she is getting induced. The baby is healthy and Kaitlyn is healthy so we think the doctor is just doing it for his convience and maybe a little bit for us. But ya know what? We are ok with that!! We will have her much sooner than we expected! And Kaityln just cant wait to not be pregnant anymore....poor girl.

Nick and I are just so freakin excited! We still have so much to do but we are so ready. Nick should be leaving Guam on July 10th and hopefully be here a few days after that. So hopefully by the 15th he will be here in PA so we can find out together what day our baby will be here.

Here's to hoping time flies!!! And then slows down once she is born.

20 June 2008

We might have done some shopping. And we arent done yet. Keep in mind, my mother in law and myself have been waiting for FIVE YEARS to be able to do this!

My plan is to wrap every single baby item and let Nick have a field day when he joins us here in PA next month. I cant wait to watch his excitment!

Enjoy!

19 June 2008

Hello Friends. Sorry I left you on the edge of your seat for a day but yesterday I was so tired. I couldnt concentrate or think hard enough to update my blog. And this morning Im still tired so the blog might be kinda bland. I know you all are wondering about our trip to FL to meet our birth mother- Kaitlyn. It could not have gone any better than it did! Every single thing went to smoothly- just like it was all meant to be.

We flew out PA Sunday at noon. First flight went smooth. The 2nd flight from Atlanta to FL was scary. We flew through a thunderstorm in FL and it was the bumpiest flight I have ever had, and you all know I have had more flights in my lifetime than I can even count now. It felt at times the plane was falling. But we made it. We arrived in FL on Sunday evening at 5:30. It was raining hard when we arrived, but it let up just in time for us to drive to our hotel. We upgraded our rental car to a Toyota Carolla S, 2008 (Which by the way made me miss my car that much more) and a GPS so we wouldnt have to guess and get lost. We got to our hotel and I called Kaitlyn and we all decided to meet at Olive Garden.

We got there a little after 6:30 and I have to tell you I was so scared and nervous. I mean geez, we were about to meet the birth mother of our daughter and grand daughter!! I was sweating and my ribs hurt and when my ribs hurt that means Im so nervous I could get sick. And a few times I thought I was going to! But my Mother in law was there to help me get through it, and she was right. It was fine.

We had dinner and we all talked about what we think the baby will look like. I cant wait! She is going to be just gorgeous! We talked about Kaitlyn's choice of giving her baby to us, we talked about the birth and so much more. We were there for about 3 1/2 hours just chatting. We didnt run out of things to talk about, there were no akward moments of silence, we werent nervous and we had a great time. After dinner we stood outside for a little while and talked more and got to rub the beautiful baby belly.

On Monday we got to go shopping at Walmart early in the morning and have breakfast. Then we drove to where the attorney office was and found a mall to hang around in until the appointment. Of course we bought some things for the baby girl. How could we not?

Then we met with our attorney where we asked a few questions and he went over some things with us, like what happens in the hospital and all. After that we picked up Kaitlyn and her son at her Mom's house and off to the mall we went. (See picture above) We walked around. I got something to eat so we sat a while. My mother in law took her son for a ride around the mall so Kaitlyn and I could talk and we did. She explained how she knew as soon as she saw our website that we were it. She said she read our website, cried and ran to her Mom telling her she knew she found a family. She said that this baby is our baby. She is the birth mother but are the parents. We talked about everything, and there were moments I thought I would burst into tears and just kiss her! LOL! But I kept calm. We stayed at the mall for about 4 hours and just talked and walked. It was wonderful! We then took Kaitlyn back home and we said our goodbyes and I got to rub the baby belly and say bye to baby girl, until next month when Nick and I go to FL to wait for her birth.

On this trip I have realized a few things. I have realized I love this baby. I dont know her but I know I love her already. I just cant wait to fall in love with her and see Nick hold her for the first time. I have realized I am going to be a mother. As much as I want this, more than anything- it's a bit scary! And we only have 5 1/2 weeks IF she doesnt come early, which we all believe she will be early. But I cant wait.

I cant wait.

So many things on this trip went smoothly and because of that I know this trip was just meant to be. Every little thing, every big thing went they way it should be.
Eating at Olive Garden- I couldnt imagine any other setting for us to be in the first time. The rain- it only rained when were not driving. It was like GOd knew we were driving in a unfamilar place so the rain would stop. Our hotel- it was so clean and comfortable and the pond outside was there so we could relax and feed the fish. The rental car- we were able to get a Carolla since that is what I am most confortable driving since I had one and the GPS- I would have been so lost without that thing, I dont even want to know.

We had a great time and it was time spent with my Mother in Law, that I will never forget. And baby girl will know all about it someday!

By the way...I just about typed baby girl's name in the above sentence but caught myself. Her name is still her name, we have not changed it and we are sure we wont change it. But Im going to try to wait until her birth before we announce it.

I know I know...I have to keep you on the edge of your seat for something!!

11 June 2008

VENTING HERE! Might be random, but I need to vent.

Thank you for the sweet sweet comment everyone has left for me. Things are stressful here. Well, they werent until yesterday.



It all started when I had realized I still hadn't heard from our attorney after emailing him over the weekend. I sent a copy of our home study probably almost 2 weeks ago. They couldnt open the program the home study was in so Nick resent it under another program. They still couldnt open it and I wasnt aware of this. So the email I sent over the weekend was asking about this along with a few other questions we had. It was after hours last night but I called figuring I could leave a message with the answering service they provide, for someone to call me back about this. The lady answered the phone and asked my name. I told her then didnt hear anything so I went on to tell her why I was calling. Half way through me explaining why I was calling I hear" MA'AM, CAN YOU HEAR ME!?" So I stop and I say "Yes." And she said, "Well I been trying to get your attention and your talking right over me." Then I say, "Oh, Im so sorry, I guess I couldnt hear you." Then she says, "Well, obviously not." I was stunned. After she got all my information I went on to to apologize again and tell her it was storming here and I was on a cordless phone. And what does do? Hangs up. Yup. I was so upset and mad I about burst into tears. Why do I have to be such a darn sensitive person? Why does some stranger on the phone whom I will probably never see or talk to again have to upset me so much?

So I called Nick to tell him what happened and he was no help. In fact he made things worse. I asked him to please call the attorney. For one because he knows how to put his foot down and get the all answers we need. For 2 because he is a man and they seem to listen to him better. I guess Im just too nice or something. And he says, I will if I have time. This is sensitive issue for me because I feel like he has time. Maybe he doesnt and Im just being selfish or something, but he wakes up an hour ealy for work and uses that time getting ready which only takes a few minutes and the rest of the time he is on the computer. I know he needs his time to himself but this is a time when that time to himself, in my opinion needs to be sacrificed.

And I needed a copy of our home study to email to our social worker. For some reason she needed me to email it to her so she could print it and fax it to the attorney, vs. me emailing it to him and getting no response. First, why would I need to email it to her? Wouldnt she have this already saved to her computer from when she emailed it to me? Anyways, so instead of me searching through all my emails to find it, I asked Nick to email it to me. Since I am here in PA, it is not saved onto the computer here. It is obviously saved to our computer at home. And Nick tells me he will if he has time. Huh?? You will if you have time? What? This will only take 2 minutes of your morning to do for me. This isnt something we can do if we have time. This is something that NEEDS TO BE DONE! NOW! Yesterday! We have only 53 days until this baby is due IF she doesnt come early and the home study isnt even notarized yet because the attorney has not been able to pre-approve it!! AGGGGHHHHHHHH!

So Im so frustrated and then I find out he once again he is stressed out about finances. How are we going to pay our monthly bills after this? And you know...I dont know. Hopefully his car will sell. If not, we can sell our furniture. At this point of my stress level, I dont care what it is we have to sell. Hopefully God will still continue to provide as he has so far.

After this last night, I decided to re-email my questions to the attorney hoping to get an answer. One of my many questions was asking if I could meet with the attorney while Im in FL. They emailed me back with a time and date finally. I guess while Im there they can answer all the other questions I had emailed.

Then this morning I went through all my emails and finally found the copy of our home study. I emailed it to the social worker who hopefully can open it and print it and fax it. If not, I will be taking the printed copy I have to the attorney with him when I go meet him.

Which leads me to this news: My mother in law and I are going to FL this weekend to meet our birth mother. Exciting? Yes. Nervous? YES. We leave Sunday morning and come back on Tuesday night. I hope its enough time with her. I hope we click. I hope she still likes me. I hope I like her. I hope there are no awkward silent moments. I hope we can bond and form a better relationship and friendship. I have so many hopes for this visit.

Please keep your positive thoughts coming this way. I need them.

24 May 2008

Just a quick update on today...Im tired! So, day one of the homestudy went fantastically. I honestly dont think it could have went any better than it did. I am still utterly amazed at how everything is just in perfect line for us. I dont get it....this never happens to us. Nothing ever happens so smoothly and perfectly. Its like its all just meant to be. It feels like everything is just happening naturally.

Any who, it went great. Our social worker was at our house from about 2ish to about 5:30ish. She is a really nice lady and we got along great. She interviewed us...asked us each questions, like..How do we plan to parent the baby, and do we agree on religion. She asked us to describe our relationship in only 3 words. She asked us how we felt about our baby being tri-racial. She asked how we met each other. She asked us how we resolve conflicts, what is 1 thing that makes you mad about the other person. The list goes on. Nick and I actually had fun with this. We had fun! We had fun? Yup. Talking about our life, dreams and goals to someone who could give us an outside opinion was actually great. She wasnt judgemental at all and she even laughed and joked right along with us. She told us her services dont stop when the homestudy is done. She said she will always be there for whatever we need being parental issues, relationship issues or just to vent. I might take her up on the venting..lol.

She walked around our house, made sure we had food in the fridge, fire extingiushers, smoke detectors and adequate space for the baby. She pointed out safety hazards for the baby and went over some things that we need to child proof. I knew we had to do this but I told her to be honest, I didnt want to prepare our home for the baby yet in fear of a jinx. And she was totally understanding.

And the crazy, weird, exciting part...she called me Momma and refers to our baby by her name. What an amazing feeling. And no...I still dont want to share her name on here yet. I dont know why...I just dont have the want to do it yet.

I am actually looking forward to tomorrow. That is when she will interview us separetly. She will ask about our families, upbringing and childhood.

She also said that she would have our home study report done within a few days.
D-A-Y-S!! What a sweetheart of her for getting it done so quickly for us. She said a normal homestudy takes about 6 months. Can you believe she is going to do 6 months of work in just a few DAYS? Thank God we found her.

Also, we paid her for her services today. To be exact, $1,729.00. This is almost the exact amount that YOU all have donated to us. YOU. ( I wish there was a pointing icon I could use here) This baby is going to be everyone's baby to love. So many people have helped us. Its incredible.

Its all still so hard to believe. Can this really be happening?

Please keep the thoughts and prayers up for K, our birth mom, that she will be and stay strong for us and keep her confidence.

Hey Bloggerians!! Yes, I just made up that word.
Thanks for all the support I have been getting. You all are utterly amazing. You give me smiles, strength, hope and happiness. And most importantly you give me thoughts and prayers and after all this time, it's paying off.

Quick update: We got all our documents together for the home study. It was insane trying to get each and every single one in just 1 week. But the hard work is about to pay off! Our social worker is flying in from Japan tonight at midnight. She will be arriving at our house tomorrow, Saturday from 1-6. She will be doing the safety check on our house and interviewing us together. Sunday she will be here from 12-3 interviewing us separatly. She seems like a wonderful woman and I am excited to meet her. I think her and Nick will get along fantastically. They are both that outgoing type who can make a joke about anything and turn anything into fun. And heck...she calls me Momma. That right there earns her credit from me! I cannot wait to get this part over and done with though. Then from here, we will figure out flight plans and all that jazz.

And in 73ish days, our baby will be here. It feels crazy but I just am so excited. Yes, I have progressed into the excited stage. Let me tell you why.

I have been nervous. K and I talk everyday on myspace.She is a great girl. The day before her appointment with the attorney to turn in her paperwork was the last I heard form her in 2 1/2 days. So I spent all the time worried. I hoped she and the baby were ok. I was praying that she wasnt having second thoughts or trying to avoid me. I know..Im paranoid..but you know my history. Then this afternoon I got a message from her and I was soooooo relieved. She said she turned in her paperwork to the attorney and everything on her end is done. She said the attorney and her both love us and think we are the perfect family for this baby. She wont see the attorney again until 4 weeks before baby girl is due to be born. I assume this is to figure out and arrange the birthing plans for her and us. She said she is so happy. And so am I! I cant wait to meet her!

So, the adoption is still a go! And baby girl is due in 73 more days! Holy cow have things changed so fast! And I still believe Aunt Deb has a hand in it. I just feel like she does. I cant even explain it. 1 week after her passing, all this came about. And I know it was with her help.

Oh and...Nick and I did decide on a name for baby girl! Im just not comfortable sharing it yet. One of these days soon I will. I think deep down inside Im just afraid to jinx anything. Because it could all change in an instant.

21 May 2008

Well after 4 hours of sleep last night, and getting a phone call I been waiting on for 2 days I feel better. Oh..dont you worry...yes I am still stressed to the max, but I feel better than yesterday. Yesterday I was at my witt's end. I just wanted to go into a corner and hide for a little bit. I asked God and Aunt Deb to please let this work out and fall into place and please ease my stress level, even if just a hair. And they heard me. I really believe she is up there watching and helping me. And that makes feel good and helps me get through all of this. Also, knowing that we will have a daughter in 74 days plus or minus a few days...makes it all worth it.

We found out that North West Airlines cannot give us the 65% discount because we are not doing an international adoption...which we figured but thought it would be worth a try. So we have yet again, another plan. The plan would be: I take a military hop to Texas from here 3rd week of June to FL. Nick ran into a guy today that used to work in that department and he told us it would be very easy to get onto a hop to Texas. Then once in TX I purchase a one way ticket to FL and visit our birth mom. Then up to PA I go until the end of July so I dont have to pay a $950.00 ticket back home to Guam. At the end of July Nick would do the same and meet me in FL for the baby's birth. Then both of us back to PA to spend time with the wonderful family. And the military hop...or buy tickets to get home to Guam.

This sounds like the plan so far.

As far as everything else, its all coming together. We pick up our background checks today at 2 pm. Then our physicals are at 3 pm. and then to pick up our child abuse checks at 4 pm. We have to pick up a letter from our health care provider sometime in between these appintments too, just to prove that we have insurance for the home study. Tomorrow I have the bundles for babies class at 9 am. and on the 30th we have another parenting class called 1,2,3, magic. Those 2 classes under our belt will be great in the home study. We have 2 of our 3 reference letters done and my questionaire is about done. Nick still has to do his but he could knock it out in 1 night. We also have to call Guam social services and see if they have any reqirements that we have to meet in the home study. Lets all cross our fingers they have very small requirements or even better...none at all. Hopefully we can knock that out today or tomorrow.

Phew. Its all going to be worth it. Please Aunt Deb, God, let it all be worth it.