6 months

The boy turned 6 months old on August 4th and I can hardly believe it. He is already sitting up on his own, going from any position on the floor his little heart desires to sitting up. He can get to any object he wants, and as of yesterday took a few crawling steps...on video!

On his 6 month birthday he enjoyed his first jar of chicken and rice and loved it. The next night, not so much so we are back to just veggies and fruits for a little while longer. He also got a cupcake with a '0' candle and we sung Happy Birthday to him. He then got to dig into his cupcake, and he did just that. MESS everywhere!

The reasoning for this half birthday celebration is because when Kayla turned 6 months old we did the same thing. We did her half birthday celebration because 4 weeks later she would be saying goodbye to Dada headed off to Afghanistan and he would miss ALL of her firsts from 7 months old to 14 months old. That was A LOT of firsts folks. First teeth,crawling, standing, walking, words, foods..all of it.

Dada is NOT leaving this time, but I thought we would make it a tradition. After all, 6 months is a big milestone. This is already HALF way to being ONE YEAR OLD. And I thought it was hard with Kayla reaching all these milestones. Much harder with Caden knowing he is our last and final baby...until Grandchildren.

Kayla's 2nd Birthday (long!)

My hopes and dreams of Kayla's 2nd Birthday were cancelled weeks ago. I had envisioned lots little kids, lots of sunshine, butterfly decor and butterfly cupcakes, Kayla's huge inflatable pool (which got a hole in it and since has been put in the trash), slip and slide, and sprinkler all going. Grilled hot dogs and burgers, beer for the guys, juice boxes for the kids...the whole 9 yards.

A few weeks ago that got cancelled first due to Nick being gone (again, and missing not only Kayla's first birthday, but now her second) and due to all the wives and children in the shop that we would invite all being off island and in the states right now visiting family.

So, I thought up something else for her and it was PERFECT. I wouldn't exchange the day she had for her big dreamy birthday party at all.

It all started the day before her birthday, on Thursday. Around 11 am, before nap time I started baking her cake. This cake took me until 9 pm to finish!
I baked the cakes, plain white cake.

I made strawberry creme filling for between the layers.

I made vanilla butter frosting for over the top of the cake.

I made fondant in white, orange, pink, and teal.
In between of all cake making, I assembled food for the next morning. Kayla's 'party' turned into just inviting 2 of Mama's friends, whom one of has 3 girls Kayla loves and whom the other has a boy and girl Kayla likes to play with. The 'party' started at 9:30 am and was a brunch. I made all of Kayla's favorite breakfast foods. I assembled it all the night before so the morning I would not have to rush around.
I made fruit salad.

Bacon and sausage.

And not pictured here, I made sausage, egg and cheese casserole, pancakes, and french toast sticks. And to drink apple juice, cherry pomegranate juice and orange pineapple juice.
Then...
I covered the cake in white fondant.

And I cut out butterflies, flowers and the number '2' to place all over the cake. Then I lined the bottom of the cake in purple icing. It turned out very cute. Far from perfect, but totally adorable and superb for the setting and occasion. And Kayla loved it.

After I finished the cake I put the munchkin to bed and broke out all the decorations and presents and set them up. My Mother in law was telling me about when her kids were little she would decorate the house the night before so when the kids woke up they knew it was their special day. She made it a tradition for each of them every year. Kayla loved this so much that I also plan on making this a tradition for each of them every year. And as they get older I can explain to them where the idea came from, so it will have even more meaning.
I put up pink streamers and balloons in the kitchen, dining room and living room. I put out her butterfly plates, napkins and tablecloth and got out her My Little Pony party hats that she HAD to have. I covered Caden's high chair in all her presents.




The next morning Kayla woke up and I walked her out to the living room and told her it was her birthday. She was beyond excited. She shouted, "Its my birthday! Thank you Mama, I love you!" While she hugged my legs. That few seconds right there made it all worth it.
After a little while the baby brother woke up and for the first time ever I found him like this in his crib.

I got the kids dressed and we hung out for a while and after taking about 15 pictures of this same pose trying to get them both to look at me, I got this.

A couple hours later I let her open all her presents. I was in the shower when I decided I would rather her open them before her friends arrived that way, 1) I can get pictures without kids' heads in the way and 2) they wont be all over her smothering her while she tries to enjoy opening them. I wanted her and I to be able to enjoy her gift opening together. And we did. And her brother enjoyed eating the paper. Some of her small gifts included a baby doll stroller, cars, a bubble mower, candy, more pez dispensers, a giant Mickey coloring book, a level 1 reading book, a pirate Mr. Potato Head.







Shortly after presents, the guests arrived and we began to enjoy Kayla's Birthday breakfast. Here she is being forced away from eating to look at Mama and say "Cheese". How awful of me.

Then it was time to go outside in the dreary weather to play in the pool.



Not long after the swimming it was time for cake!



And during the cake eating baby brother fell asleep for a short power nap.

After cake and some more playtime, the guests slowly started to leave. The last to leave was Kayla's friend, whom Caden took to which is VERY RARE. This kid will go to NO ONE! But he played....err ah, maybe flirted, with her on the living room floor for a while. The strong man impressed her with his push ups, and flirty grins and giggles in between being shy and pushing his face into the carpet to try to hide from her. After a few minutes, he realized he had enough and she had to go. It was nap time. FOR ALL OF US. The three of us had one LOOOOONG, NIIIIIICE THREE hour nap. And this Mama NEEDED it.





It was by no means your normal traditional birthday party you would typically throw for a 2 year old....but it was us. It was fun. It was perfect and Kayla had a lot of fun. In a little over 24 hours from now, Dada will be home from Montana with a VERY BIG gift for her. I cant wait.

Today...

Its hard to believe that TWO YEARS AGO Kayla was born. TWO YEARS. How? It has gone so exceedingly fast. When I flash back to July 30th, 2008 it doesnt feel like its been 2 whole years. Yet at the same time, I can hardly remember what life felt like before this little girl entered our world. There are days Im so tired I want to cry. There are days I just want to see my living room floor again. But on those days I remind myself of the days I laid in bed crying wishing my lack of sleep be from a baby at night or wishing that our bare living room had toys strewn all over it. I would picture toys in that corner and that spot and imagine what those toys might be. Now I can look around and SEE the REAL LIVE ACTUAL toys...EVERY WHERE.
You can read my blog post on Kayla's Birth Day HERE.
We started the morning early. We had about a 20 minute drive to Birth Mother's apartment to meet her, Birth Father, and friend there. Birth Mother was to check into the hospital at 8 AM to start induction. I remember that morning. I remember walking behind Birth Mother and Father into hospital and I just watched Birth Mother and wondered how she felt, I looked at THE belly and thought, "OUR baby is in there and we are about to meet her!" It was exciting and nerve wracking. I didn't know if I should show my excitement, my anticipation, my anxiousness, my nervousness, my happiness. I didn't know if showing all that would be ok because I knew that while this was the happiest day of our lives, it was also Birth Mother's and Birth Father's day of great saddness and heartache. How could I walk around in such joy while they sat with broken hearts? But in the end, it was impossible to lower the level of pure dreamy bliss we were in. And now 2 years later, Im so glad we didnt hide it. If we did, they would have wondered why weren't happier. At least I would if I was in that position, I think.

Upon arrival Birth Mother was already 3 cm dilated. The doctor said she would deliver by the afternoon and we all thought he was a little crazy, because that WAS SO SOON. Her water was soon broken. I remember this very well. We all stood in the room but with a curtain drawn between her and us, myself, Nick, Birth Father and friend. This moment was so exciting! This was IT. Her water was broken, the pitocin was started...the baby is coming! I remember not long after this Birth Mother started feeling the contractions and almost right away she dilated to 4 cm.

Birth Mother then asked for the epidural so myself, Nick and Birth Father headed down to the cafeteria for breakfast. Months later I found out Birth Mother wasnt happy about this! She wasnt allowed to eat and we left her for breakfast! Haha. Poor girl.

We came back to an epidural'd Birth Mother and she was so happy and content and didnt feel a thing. She was talking and laughing like nothing. I swear she made labor look like no labor at all. We sat around her room and talked, joked, watched tv and tried to entertain ourselves. Within 90 minutes of this she was dilated to a WHOLE 6 cm! I remember the nurse checking her with us behind the curtain again and the nurse saying the baby has a lot of hair. I came out from the curtain all excited and asked, "You can see her!?" The nurse laughed and said, "No, I can feel her." I thought, oh duh...how embarrassing.

An hour later Birth Mother was ready to push and was dilated to 10 cm. The doctor had barely just made it into the room when Kayla was born in about 1 push and a half, only 6 hours later at 2:34 pm. I remember seeing her head before she came out and this was the moment I saw her for the very first time. I dont even feel like I was there. It feels like it was all a dream, like I was in someone else's body watching this miracle occur. She came out so fast, so easy and so smoothly. Nick stood next to the doctor and before we all knew it, he was cutting her umbilical cord.

She was then whisked off to the baby station and we just stood there in shock. We just stood there and didnt move.
The nurses all motioned for us to come over to see her. Nick went immediately over as fast as super man could get to her.

Right away his tears flowed and he sobbed like a baby. I walked over right behind him and saw him melting down like butter over a warm buiscut. I looked at Kayla and my very first thought that I will NEVER forget was, " A REAL LIVE TAKE HOME BABY." I just stood there. Crying. It even makes me cry just remembering all this. Then it was like a chain reaction. Nick cried. I cried. Birth Father cried. Birth Mother cried. Friend cried. The nurse then said to me that I could touch her. I touched her hand. So warm, so tiny, so soft, so pink, so wrinkled, so new. Was this really MY baby? Are the last 5 years REALLY now behind us? How are we SO lucky? How? How did this happen? And so fast? Who did this for us and why? While all this was going on, Birth Mother was delivering the placenta (which we later saw in a white bucket, interesting..haha!) and getting stitched up.

She was 8 pounds 4.1 ounces, 21" long.

The nurses cleaned up Kayla, weighed her,and did her footprints.

They gave her a shot, put a diaper on her, covered her, put a hat on her and then she was brought over to Birth Mother and Father. This moment I will never forget. This picture says it all.

Then she was taken off to the nursery where we followed for Nick to hold her first and feed her first (baby hog) and our first family picture of THREE! And a little freshen up from the nurses.





Then it was my turn....I was still in a state of disbelief. My hard work and determination to be a Mother had finally after 5 years been paid off. In a way I never thought it would, in a million different ways. All the time, money, heartache, pain, surgery, emotion, tears, injections, pills, long drives, over night hotel stays, ultrasounds, pain, cramps, temperatures, charting, and being exposed in ways I never want to again to an endless amount of complete strangers and last but certainly not the least, miscarriages....was worth every.single.second. It was like Kayla knew already that I was her Mother. I couldnt get over the way she looked at me already.



I honestly dont remember what happened after this but I do remember getting no sleep this night. I dont remember much of the next day in this hospital either. I do remember Birth Mother's son coming to visit and numerous other visitors of Birth Mother and Birth Father including family and friends. It was a bit overwhelming with so many people coming in and out and a pretty darn stressful. (Caden's stay at the hospital was so much better on us and Birth Mother, much more quiet and private and nice) I remember hanging out in Birth Mother's room all day with her but I dont remember much of what happened. I remember leaving for lunch. We went to The Golden Corral because it was close. We stopped in the hospital gift shop and got pink bubble gum Its A Girl cigars for everyone. I remember holding and feeding and changing Kayla a lot. I remember having to watch all the visitors hold her and say things to Birth Mother I wish they would have thought about before saying. Nick and I would just smile and cringe hoping it wouldn't upset her.

I remember a lot about the 3rd day, Birth Mother's day to relinquish rights, and placement day. I first want to say that I am more thankful then EVER that Caden's placement day was not this hard.

This day was HARD. I dont even know if I can describe it fully so that you, my readers can really understand. This day was so hard on our Birth Mother. She signed her rights away with Kayla in her lap. She cried through the whole process and even went down hill after the adoption (which led to her pregnancy with Caden). This day was just so heavy on us and everyone, so depressing for everyone, so stressful, so tense. You could FEEL the tension and sadness in the air. I was confident that Birth Mother would stick to her decision but this did not make it easy. She went into this not knowing us totally. Not knowing if her choice was right. Not knowing what to expect. Not knowing what to do and with not much support. The hospital goodbye was awful. I could tell she was trying so hard to not cry but failed miserably. What do we do or say to make her feel better? There was nothing. I remember watching her grab all the things she had packed up and walking out the door of the room she gave birth to Kayla in. We left the hospital as happy as we have NEVER been while Birth Mother was going home alone and with empty arms (Only mementos and a Minnie Mouse we had given her) to an apartment she shared with a friend, with pain medication and alcohol. To think about Birth Mother at this point was upsetting. I just kept telling myself with time she will get better.
But she didn't...until Caden was born.

2 years later, I still have to pinch myself. Especially now with TWO babies. When Kayla was born I was complete. Could NOT have been happier, but I still knew something was missing. Something wasn't complete. I had this instinct, this want, this need in life that still wasn't there. It just wasn't right, yet. I had no idea how to go about it. I thought that IVF again far in the future could be a possibility. I was sure we would NOT have another baby through adoption. It was too expensive. It was too stressful and it was too much of a roller coaster. Plus going through an agency and the wait for a Birth Mother to choose us..just wasnt on my list of something I wanted to do. If someone would have told me 18 months and 5 days later we would be holding our baby boy, Kayla's biological baby brother I would have laughed so hard and told that person they are a joke. There would be no way we would be THAT lucky. Plus, our Birth Mother has learned her lesson by now, I'm sure.

The moment I laid eyes on my baby boy 18 months and 5 days later...that was all gone. The mothering instinct inside my self knew he was coming. Little did I know.

Stay tuned for tomorrow's blog all about Kayla's 2nd Birthday!

Monthly Birthdays + W3D4

On May 30th, Kayla turned a whopping 22 months old. How in the world can 22 months pass by like this? She brightens my day like no one else can in a way that no one else can. I cant imagine a day without her. I cant imagine going hours with out her. How does Nick do it? How does he walk out that door 5 days a week and not see her all day long? I cant believe she is almost 2 years old. Before I know she will be 22 years old and I will have to learn to live life without her in it every single day. How do parents do this? Please tell me the secret, because within a blink of an eye..it's going to happen.
2 years ago this week, I was headed to Pennsylvania to await the birth of this little girl that I had no idea I would love so much. My mother in law and I would sit out on the deck and dream and imagine and wonder and discuss what we thought she would look like. We were pretty darn close...but I could N-E-V-E-R have dreamed she would be this perfect and this beautiful. I never thought a baby could have been made this perfect JUST for us. Her giggles, her laughs, her squeals, her cries, her tears, her big brown eyes, her eyelashes, her hair, her curls, her nose, her lips, her giant hands and feet, and tan skin, her long legs and arms, her giant heart, her personality, her cleverness, her determination, her ingenuity, her willingness and her ability to learn...just PERFECTION. Made only for us.

Happy 22 month Birthday little munchkin. Stop growing up so fast.



Tomorrow, June 4th, Caden will be 4 months old. How is THIS possible?

Wasn't it just weeks ago we stressed about his adoption? Wasn't it just weeks ago that I had to hold onto hope by a piece of thread and pray that it wouldn't break, that we wouldn't lose him. I had this tremendously painfully gut and heart feeling that he was made for us and I was trying so hard to convey this to the world while I had to plea and fight and beg the universe to make this work out. 2 months before we even found out about birth mother's pregnancy with him, I called my mother in law in tears wondering why on earth I had this overwhelming feeling that I needed more babies. I even blogged about it. I wanted it to go away and I couldn't understand it. Little did I know....our lives were about to change in a massive way. FOREVER. He was born. And that feeling was GONE. I could finally breathe and live with a light heart knowing and feeling for the first time in my entire life that this family was complete.
This little life that birth mother had created was not without reason. Everyone took the news of this pregnancy as a burden, even us before she asked us to adopt him. He was no doubt without reason. Not only did he complete this family in more ways than one, but he gave our birth mother the reality check she needed to get her life on track, get her GED, and go to college.

I couldn't imagine life without this little boy. While his personality is still waiting to erupt, it wont be long. I cannot wait for the day I hear his true real baby giggle. I cant wait to see the person he starts to become.

How lucky can one married couple get? Just how fortunate? It was all written in the stars long before we were even aware. We got pregnant twice and miscarried 2 babies. These 2 babies kept us going. They gave us just enough hope to lead us through the rocky path that ended with our 2 babies, Kayla and Caden.

To all my blog readers, my friends who are still waiting...your happy ending is written in the stars too. Dont give up.

If it's not a happy ending, then it's not the end.

Happy 4 month Birthday Caden. Dont grow up as fast as your sister is.



Today is Week 3 Day 4 in my running program. As of this morning I am down a pound already this week and its only Thursday. This brings me down 9 pounds weighing in at 150 this morning. I dont see a huge difference yet, but it will come. I still cant even believe I let myself gain that much weight. I'd say that the happiest I have been was weighing in at 130, so I guess 20 more pounds to go. I know I can do it. Just wish it didnt take this much time!

According to my running log I have gone a total of 8.9 miles this week so far. Today I did my work out twice, first thing in the morning and then again during the babies nap time with an extra 3 minute fast pace walk. I plan on doing 2 workouts tomorrow if I am able and then taking Saturday off. This training for a 5K thing...is addicting. So, I will TRY to take Saturday off. We are planning a day at the water park so that should be a lot of workout in itself!

continuted...

So, we got home from the commissary with our little bit of groceries for the week, plus our party trays.

As I had the car door open to get Kayla out, one of her Birthday Day Girl balloons escaped. I tried to catch it, but I was too late. So, I took the other 2 balloons out and put them into the house...not thinking that our ceiling is cottage cheese texture. And POP, went the other Birthday Girl balloon. The foil Mickey balloon wasn't even floating. It was down to the ground. So, Kayla's birthday balloons....gone.

We get into the house and Kayla is still cranky. She wants to sleep so I put her down for a nap.

The phone rings and it's my friend with Birthday Cake disaster news. She tried baking the cake twice but it was sticking to the pan. I bought a 3-d cupcake pan a few months back for Kayla's cake. Because of the tropical rainy season weather and extremely high barometric pressure...that cake was not working. The pressure was so high that my friends air conditioner went out from working so hard. So here she was trying to bake Kayla's cake with no AC. Talk about hot!

It's an hour before Kayla's party and the rain is just pouring. I don't mean pouring like you are imagining it. I mean torrential tropical rain forest down pour. My patio and yard are totally flooded. So my dreams of Kayla's birthday party with the kids playing in the hot sunshine eating ice cream, throwing water balloons and jumping in the pool had been taken from me.

It's an hour before Kayla's party and we had no cake.

Oh boy...

For the 4th (I think) day in a row Kayla has had me up at 4 am with her crying. I assume it's her teeth. She is miserable and I am exhausted doing this all on my own. It's not a complaint. I am thankful to be able to spend all my days and nights with her, weather they are miserable or exciting. It just drains me, stresses me out and Im totally exhausted. Nothing I do for her makes her happy. I think its her teeth because her front top tooth just popped out on her birthday and her other top tooth is just right behind. I don't understand why babies are made to grow teeth in this painful way.

Kayla's birthday party was a disaster. Let me first tell you about her actual birthday. I took her out to lunch to the base bowling alley. We got bbq chicken sticks, a shanghi lumpia and rice...ok, so Mama picked her favorite lunch there and not Kayla's. But she enjoyed it. We then went to our friend's house where her wagon was presented to her. She was so excited to see it she let out a scream and huge smile and climbed right into it. Then our friend gave her a couple pairs of hair bows were a big hit and a an italian charm bracelet with a charm that says Kayla's 1st Birthday...which she will enjoy later down the road.

Her birthday party however, wasn't so great. I am even wishing I wouldn't have spent the money trying to have one for her. The day started off bad with me waking up at 4 am with Kayla. She wouldn't go back to sleep until 7:30. She slept until 9. She woke up miserable again and wanted to go back to sleep at 10. It down poured all night and was still going. I had hope it would stop so the kids could play in the pool with water balloons and play on Kayla's jumpy castle. At 11 we took off to the BX to get ink for the printer. The rain was on pause. So I thought we would take a drive to the base Arts and Crafts center to get her Mickey balloon blown up. While there I got 2 other latex Birthday Girl balloons for her. As we were paying the torrential downpour began all over again.

I had to make it to the commissary. I was do to pick up our fruit tray and finger sandwich tray at 12. We ran into the bx. Got soaked. Picked up our stuff and a few other items we needed for baked ziti and blue cheese stuffed burgers. (Which I am totally craving both)

Ok, I cant think now...Kayla is crying up a storm. Or shall I say screaming? I think that fits. I will finish this up later. Gotta go.

pics of then and now

Birthday pics to come soon. Yesterday we had a mini celebration and tomorrow is her party.
For now...to look back at then and now...pictures from birth and pictures from this morning, 1 year and 1 day later.